God created man and woman. Marriage was God's idea, and He knows how to make marriage work.
Follow any plan other than God's at your own risk!
MARK 10:6-9 NKJ
6 "But from the beginning of the creation, God `made them male and female.'
7 `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
A husband is responsible to provide for his wife and family -- spiritually, physically, and financially.
1 TIMOTHY 5:8 NKJ
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
If we try to provide on our own, we will fail. So we must rely on God, trusting Him to enable us. Actually, God is the Provider. We are just His representatives.
1 CORINTHIANS 11:3 NKJ
3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Divorce is not God's plan for you. God wants to use the marriage you are in to get you to face your inadequacy and turn to Him for help. Through facing your difficulties, you will be changed and become more like Jesus.
If you divorce someone for a selfish reason -- you are not obeying God's command to love.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:27-28,33 NKJ
27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world -- how he may please his wife.
MATTHEW 5:31-32 NKJ
31 "Furthermore it has been said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32 "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
MATTHEW 19:3-9 NKJ
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,'
5 "and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
LUKE 16:18 NKJ
18 "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-13 NKJ
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
LUKE 14:26 NKJ
26 "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
God allows nothing else to come before Him. You need to put God first, anyway. Without relying on God you will fail. You need God's help to be a good husband.
EPHESIANS 5:21,25-33 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
To love his wife as Christ loves the church, a husband must be willing to die for his wife. Not only should we be prepared to die physically, but to die to our selfish desires and plans.
COLOSSIANS 3:19 NKJ
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Men see women as both exquisite and exasperating. They are tempted, at different times, to love them and to hate them.
God's plan is for women to think and act differently than men -- and thus exasperate men at times. The differences give opportunity to reject selfishness and walk in divine love. Thank God for the differences.
1 PETER 3:7 NKJ
7 Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Don't expect a woman to think like you or act like you. Knowledge and understanding about being a good husband must be sought -- don't assume you already know all you should. Be sensitive, be considerate, and ask God to give you understanding. And always honor and praise your wife.
1 PETER 3:8-11 NKJ
8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
10 For "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking guile;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
One of the most helpful things in marriage is to practice "not returning evil for evil" (1 Peter 3:9). It is inevitable that offenses will come, that you will be hurt. When that happens, you have a choice: do I lash back and hurt them, or, do I walk in love. If you allow what your spouse does to make you respond in kind, then your spouse is controlling you. Is that what you want?
Because the Bible commands husbands to love their wife, husbands should think about how their love can be expressed. Here are some ways:
- words
- gifts
- acts of service
- quality time
- touch
Get the book "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Figure out if you really are filling her love tank. Or is she on empty all the time, over compensating filling yours trying to get some in return. Man Ego seems to always think they "Got this". I don't need any book to tell me what my wife needs. She is happy cause I am the man. But in all actuality it could be quite the contrary, and she is left unfulfilled and empty.
Listen to your wife. Think about her needs. Protect her from harm -- including work overload. Express your appreciation for all she does.
Never criticize or put her down. She needs to know she is important to you and doing a good job. She needs tangible reminders of your continuing love and affection. She needs to be touched.
Married women under extreme stress who reach out and hold their husbands' hands feel immediate relief, neuroscientists have found, in what they say is the first study of how human touch affects the neural response to threats.The soothing effect of the touch could be seen in scans of areas deep in the brain that are involved in registering emotional and physical alarm. The women received significantly more relief from their husbands' touch than from a stranger's, and those in particularly close marriages were most deeply comforted by their husbands' hands, the study found. Touching and being touched is a basic human need. Those of us who are relatively healthy and independent―and therefore able to give and ask for affection―have likely never experienced "skin hunger" and can't imagine what it feels like. Hunger. That's what it feels like. A craving for human contact―an aching need to be touched by a compassionate human being, be it a hug, warm hand on an arm, or gentle back massage, and especially sexual relations between couples.
So basic a human need is touch that neither children nor adults can live without it. Children who live in abusive homes and who are deprived of touch have been known to wither and die. If they survive their childhoods, they require it so survive even more as adults. Touch may be the only way they "KNOW" they are loved by their mates. The need for touch is real, and persists throughout our lives. Indeed, as we approach old age, touching and being touched takes on added importance; it compensates for the decline in other sensory perceptions, and helps us stay connected
with our environment.
Communication is important to your wife. You must work at, and learn to be, a good listener. Let your wife talk without criticizing or correcting her or getting angry.
Women often get satisfaction just from being listened to. Getting angry will only cause her to keep in her feelings and cause the communication to cease leaving her hurt, confused and lost.
Don't feel you have to give a solution to everything your wife tells you. Don't take personally everything she says. She is probably just venting. She is not looking for answers, just a listener and a friend.
Women are different than men. Read some good books on marriage by Christian authors and follow their advice on how to treat your wife.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-5 NKJ
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
In general, the physical side of marriage is more important to men, and the emotional is more important to women. Yet, some wives are very physical creatures as well, and when those needs are not met, they feel insecure, unattractive, unloved and worry about why you are not interested in her, or even get suspicious where your physical needs are being met if not by her. How a woman perceives herself all depends on YOU. 
In other words, your wife's feelings are very important pay attention to them, know what her needs are for affection, attention and physical relations. Do not deny her or show disinterest in her, that is very damaging to her self esteem and self worth.
Multiple wives were sometimes allowed in Old Testament times, but the New Testament makes clear a husband should have only one (living) wife. (this statement should not have sparked a mastermind to OFF your wife)
1 TIMOTHY 3:2 NKJ
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;
1 TIMOTHY 3:12 NKJ
12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
TITUS 1:6 NKJ
6 if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.
Ephesians 5:21 and 1 Peter 5:5 tell us to submit to one another -- not just wives to their husbands. She knows things you do not. You will be cheated in life if you squelch her and do not receive her help and input.
Both men and women have inherent strengths and weaknesses, which, when combined in a godly marriage where both walk in divine love, produce something stronger than any individual.
EPHESIANS 5:21 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
1 PETER 5:5 NKJ
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Submitting is the opposite of rebelling. Submitting will often be hard on the flesh. You can argue about your rights -- or you can die to your self, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.
Life is preparation for eternity. And God's plan is for you to be conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ. That means all selfishness and rebelliousness has to go.
ROMANS 8:29 NKJ
29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
EPHESIANS 5:33 NKJ
33 . . . let the wife see that she respects her husband.
EPHESIANS 5:33 Amplified
33 . . . let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband -- that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.
If every wife practiced Ephesians 5:33, divorce would become rare. Of course, the devil and the world encourage wives to do the exact opposite: belittle, criticize, put down, and nag their husband.
TITUS 2:4-5 NKJ
4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
TITUS 2:4-5 Amplified
4 So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober-minded -- temperate, disciplined -- and to love their husbands and their children;
5 To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach -- blasphemed or discredited.
You must acknowledge and appreciate the things he does. Try to stay positive. Give a sincere compliment whenever possible. Resist nagging, which will not help.
1 TIMOTHY 3:11 NKJ
11 Likewise their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.
The Bible tells wives to respect their husbands, to be reverent. Wives should encourage their husbands and build them up with their words.
1 PETER 3:2 Amplified
2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband. That is, you are to feel for him all that reverence includes] -- to respect, defer to, revere him; [revere means] to honor, esteem (appreciate, prize), and [in the human sense] adore him; [and adore means] to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy [your husband].
1 PETER 3:3-6 NKJ
3 Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel;
4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
Being feminine, with a gentle and quiet spirit, is not only precious in God's sight, but is very wise and also attractive to men. Being loud and boisterous has much less chance of producing anything positive.
1 TIMOTHY 2:9-10 NKJ
9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,
10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.
While not wrong to try and look your best, remember the most important is your "inner beauty," the fruit of the spirit and the glow of God's presence.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:2-5 NKJ
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Withholding physical intimacy from your husband as a way of punishment or revenge is wrong. God desires for you to be a giver as His representative -- and overcome evil with good. This also applies to husbands withholding physical intimacy from their wives.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:34 NKJ
34 . . . she who is married cares about the things of the world -- how she may please her husband.
COLOSSIANS 3:18 NKJ
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
EPHESIANS 5:21-24 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
EPHESIANS 5:22 Amplified
22 Wives, be subject -- be submissive and adapt yourselves -- to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.
1 PETER 3:1 Amplified
1 In like manner you married women, be submissive to your own husbands -- subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them. So that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,
1. That they might become conformed to the image of Christ. (To become like Jesus.)
2. To be a type of the believer submitting to Christ.
3. Because of the way God created men and women: marriage will work best that way and produce the most happiness for both husband and wife.
1 CORINTHIANS 11:7-9 NKJ
7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man.
8 For man is not from woman, but woman from man.
9 Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.
Submission is for your protection as a wife -- not for your harm.
To submit does not mean to be a doormat. Or, to obey any order no matter what it is.
Although Peter wrote that we were to submit to civil government authorities, he also personally told some in Acts 5:29 that he must obey God rather than men.
1 PETER 2:13 NKJ
13 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme,
ACTS 5:29 NKJ
29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men.
And Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to one another -- not just wives to their husbands.
EPHESIANS 5:21 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Submitting is really the opposite of rebelling. Submission is an attitude of respect -- not necessarily outward obedience. You can be submissive and show respect to your husband even when obeying the higher authority of God.
Submitting does not mean you should never share your ideas. It has to do with the manner in which you share them.
Submitting will often be hard on the flesh. You can argue about your rights -- or you can die to your self, take up your cross and follow Jesus.
Submitting is part of God's program to prepare you for eternity with Him. This life is preparation for eternity. And God's plan is for you to be conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ. That means all selfishness and rebelliousness has to go.
ROMANS 8:29 NKJ
29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
ROMANS 8:18 NKJ
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
1 PETER 2:21-23 NKJ
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 "Who committed no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth";
23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;
In the context of telling wives to be submissive to their husbands, 1 Peter 3:9 says, "you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing."
1 PETER 3:9 NKJ
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
1 PETER 4:19 NKJ
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.
God can be trusted.
1 PETER 5:5-7 NKJ
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
Women are different than men. You will never be able to change your husband into being and thinking just like you. Criticizing, nagging, and lecturing will not help. Read some good books on marriage by Christian authors and follow their advice on how to treat your husband.
Both men and women have inherent strengths and weaknesses, which, when combined in a godly marriage where both walk in divine love, produce something stronger than any individual.
One of the most helpful things in marriage is to practice "not returning evil for evil" (1 Peter 3:9). It is inevitable that offenses will come, that you will be hurt. When that happens, you have a choice: do I lash back and hurt them, or, do I walk in love. If you allow what your spouse does to make you respond in kind, then your spouse is controlling you. Is that what you want?
God's instructions for wives are for their own good and protection. The devil encourages doubt and rebellion, but your choice should be to trust in God to direct your husband, and -- if necessary -- to deliver you from trouble your husband may get you into as a result of bad choices.
Your husband wants to make you happy -- he probably just does not know how. Help him to understand what you want without nagging him or putting him down as a person. For example, if you want your husband to listen to you more, ask him to listen to you and tell him you will appreciate it.
Finally, do not expect your husband to provide everything God desires to provide for you. Look to God. Your husband is only human and needs help -- that is why you are here.
