Recipe for happiness in marriage.

No doubt many experts and marriage counselors will differ in opinion on what makes a good marriage, What is the true recipe for happiness in marriage. Doubtful of all the ingredients out there, that just one makes or breaks the deal, but true friendship must be one of them. It must be the main ingredient. If there is true friendship between husband and wife, the marriage avoids landing on the rocks. Instead, it becomes a rock-hard marriage where no individual or circumstance can put it asunder.

In fact, it is the genuine friendship between two people that put more meaning in the words, “for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, till death do us part” – “the shelter of each other.” So to speak.

Here are a few reasons why friendship is so important in a marriage.

Friendship means fun.

Friendship in a marriage means that the marriage will be full with memories of laughter and humour, for didn’t we choose those friends who made us laugh the most? Didn’t our mothers always tell us, “When choosing a husband, count the times he made you laugh.”

Friendship makes communication easier.

Friendship also means open and honest communication; a no holds barred type of union where our comfort level with our spouse goes beyond 100%, assured that what we say and how we say it will not be judged or taken in a negative light, and we will never be condemned by them when we share our feelings.

If you talk to married people, a wish they frequently express is that they remain the best of friends and the closest of companions. Surveys in fact reveal that if there is one component that will enable a couple to weather the tough times, it is friendship.

Friendship means never being lonely.

As a famous poet once said, “No man is an island.” Most people would agree that friendship is the antidote to loneliness. Getting married does not mean that people will never experience loneliness, but it does lessen our sense of separateness. In fact to feel lonely in marriage is a true warning sign that something is wrong.

Friendship between couples generates wholesome feelings of goodwill and fidelity. Our spouse – our friend – has our interests at heart, will not betray us and will be our staunchest supporter. When couples think of each other and not just themselves and make a continuing effort to make the marriage work, they’ve made the best investment they could ever make.

Friendship also makes spouses stronger; this strength is reinforced by the joy of shared history, of nostalgia and plans for the future.

Can romance can get in the way of friendship?

Romance is a good thing, and we could use heaps of it when our relationships get rocky. But mature friends are aware that romance can be a barrier to friendship. Why? Because romance obscures the darker side of our existence – our fears, anxieties, and insecurities. Yet, it is those fears, anxieties and insecurities that naturally draw us to our friend.

Doesn’t familiarity breed contempt?

Familiarity does NOT breed contempt. It breeds content. A sense of contentment equates with satisfaction, warmth, and unwavering assurance. Sharing a life together in love and friendship makes for a book that is deeper and thicker in shared histories, in content.

Friendship makes life infinitely more richer.

If you were to ask a happy bachelor and a happily married man to each write their stories, you’d get a positive narration from both. The single person’s perspective would however be I, me and myself – and possibly a string of blind dates and Saturday nights alone. The married man will talk about “us”, of mutual interests – a story definitely made richer because there are two stories, not one, or at least we would hope that we would see this growth in a married man.

Friendship is the contract that binds.

People who have remained happily married are those who understand that there are actually two marriage contracts, not just one. With true friendship in their marriage they know that they can count on each other when times are bad, and that alone generates a considerable degree of peace of mind and a sense of calm for the soul.

Since love is less permanent (we may fall in and out of love a few times in our lifetime) and friendship more durable, every attempt must be made to make our spouse not only a lover and a partner, but also a friend; that sort of bond will create a love that one will never all out of.

There used to be so many ideas floating around in my head for how I thought God wanted to use me. I was certain of a few things: I could sing very well, I could write fairly well, I didn't have a problem speaking in front of people and I was far from shy. I thought of these things as talents...thought that I was lucky to be able to do these things. Little did I know, I had it all wrong. It wasn't until much later in my life even more recently that I learned that these things I could do were blessed gifts from my Father, spiritual gifts, if you will. I began to put two and two together and realized that if I combined these gifts, I could use them the way God intended me to- to draw others nearer to Him. So, I write blogs and inspiring things that the Holy Spirit leads me to write. I began to talk to strangers, people I work with, family who ever would listen to what I might say about my Lord. I really hadn't realized it, but I have been building a ministry to reach out to those who were broken and hurting, those who never knew about Jesus, to let them know that they are loved and that Jesus is their Savior. I guess just in the last few months in my seeking God's understanding on things, and prayer, I was shown these things. I knew that I have had a calling to ministry as well as my husband. He is formally schooled in ministry. However, I rely on my Bible and the Holy Spirit alone as I have not had the opportunity to actually attend ministry school. But the Lord has shown me that I have already let him use me and start a ministry of my very own. I didn't really even realize it, it was just something that I have done as the Spirit has led me to do. I have found more people seeking me out to find out after hearing me talk, asking more about Jesus and asking questions on how they too can be saved. I have found that people I have spoken to and prayed with have found their way to salvation.

Jesus took bread, blessed it, broke it and gave it to the multitudes. God takes us, breaks us and gives us to the multitudes. I was broken before I started living my life the way God intended me to live it. I was broken more than one time- because sometimes, that's what it takes for God to get the point across. I had no idea when I felt I was at my lowest point, that God was in control the entire time, that He was stepping in and trying to give me a clean heart and a righteous spirit. I believe that our pain will be for the gain of His kingdom. That has certainly been the case in my experiences. I could not understand WHY? all the attacks from the enemy, WHY? back to back to back one thing after another. I finally fell on my face completely broken and asked God. I said " I am living for you, I am working towards the goal of ministry, I am doing my best, what happens when I finally get into the ministry, my husband as well? What then?" Will the enemy REALLY attack us then? This is just so much Lord. The answer came with a deafening BOOM! Who told you that you were NOT ALREADY doing my work? That you are NOT ALREADY in ministry? The day you made the commitment was the day I gave you a ministry. His words stood my heart still as it leaped inside my chest. I had been looking at my husband going to school for ministry all this time and waiting for the day that all the sudden it would just start. I had not realized that God was already using ME, that I have had to be broken and stay faithful all at the same time, That I was getting all these crazy attacks from the enemy trying to stall me out. Trying to deter me from work in progress, from my very own God given ministry. That HE made me a fisher of man. He is the one who chose me. I did not need to wait, there was not one day I would just wake up and be in the ministry. I was already ministering. Attacked over and over by the enemy.. Yet I have still stayed faithful to the Lord and pressed on. It made perfect sense now. You see I pray. I pray all day long, I pray at work, play, cooking, cleaning, driving what ever. I talk to God all day long. Very few see this, it's just my own thing. I know what God has in store usually before it happens as he shows me so many things. But lately, I have been doing his work without actually knowing it, and all the time not understanding WHY all the attacks on me in general. Almost blinded by it all, Until he showed me. That it had became a way of life, natural, and easy. Even with all the attacks. I found reward just in sharing my love for Christ even through all storms. That no matter what I had lost, or the trials I have been going through, I was just happy to be his, to share his word and do my part to save another lost soul.

Meekness is strength under control. This means that we can do something about our present situation, sure- but we're not going to do anything until God delivers us. Until HIS time. Until he opens our eyes. The more desperate and willing we are to be foolsfor Christ, especially under fire from the enemy, the more Jesus loves it! How much for faithful will he be to us by our faithfulness to him. The peace I have found just since realizing all of this is amazing. What are you willing to do for Him? For His kingdom? Are you winning souls even under scrutiny and attacks from the enemy?

Brokenness means to crush and destroy, but it also means New Birth! The enemy may seem to crush and destroy us (or at least that is how it feels and seems at times) but through Christ we rise up NEW and reborn after the storms the enemy throws at us. There's a simple prayer for us all to pray- "Take me, break me and make me what You want me to be!" If you want to let God use you, stop telling Him where and when it's going to be! (After I get a degree, after I graduate school, when I start a prayer meeting, after this or that) So many of us dream of being on the platform, but 99% of ministry cannot take place on the platform! It's going out into a dying world, hungry and thirsty for the Word of God! It's helping a friend or neighbor. It's time to stand up and say, "Here I am, Lord! Use me!" Let him use you in your everyday... before your degree, your graduation, your prayer meeting, all the this and that's. Let him use you on "the way" to your life destination.

God is working in you this very moment. He who began a good work is able to complete it! That is a promise we can count on! God changes us every day...from glory into glory, into glory! Hallelujah! We are the apple of God's eye. He has picked us out to pick us, pick and redeem us! Let's give God everything we are and everything we are not. We're everything with Him, but nothing without Him. We're His chosen instruments. Before any of us were formed in our mothers' wombs, He knew us and accepted us. Friends, God knows you and He knows me. He knows our names and has a plan for each of us. I encourage you to pray about what you've read here today. God is ready to use you, but you have to let him. There may be roads marked with suffering, and pain in the offering, but remember- that pain will be for the gain of His kingdom. So maybe it won't be today or tomorrow or six months from now, but when you've prayed and you're ready, let your Father take you, break you and make you what he wants you to be, because each one of us is needed to help build the kingdom.