Friends Forever??

How many close friends do you have? If you have even one you should consider yourself blessed. In today's culture, it's cool to claim you have a BFF (best friend forever), but is that person really your best friend? Can you tell him everything? What about that thing from your past you are so ashamed of? What about your fears? What about your struggles with sin?
A true friend is someone you can trust with these things, someone who will still love you in spite of your past failures and current struggles. But a true friend also must be allowed to counsel you when he sees you about to make a bad decision or being disobedient to God's word. But they also will not leave you when things are not perfect, or when your at your worst.Proverbs 27:9 tells us “the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”We all need godly friends who will love us enough to give us heartfelt counsel when we need it.  BUT, Sadly, this is a rare occurrence to find this type of true friend in this day and time. Most often, they do not choose to help up with counsel, but instead, leave us alone in turmoil. So with that said,


“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24
Friends come and go with the passing of time. Some friends are lifelong; others are friends only for a season. Some friends will always hold a special place in our hearts even though their love for us may have changed or diminished. Each of us has experienced friendships that fall into at least one, or perhaps all, of these categories.
As we consider our relationships with others, we would do well to ask, “What kind of friend am I?” Am I a fair weather friend who will be there for someone else only when it is convenient for me, or am I a true friend who is sincerely interested in the well being of another individual, regardless of the time and effort it costs me to nurture the friendship? If we are honest, most of us would admit to being disappointed by friends at one time or another. At times, we ourselves have been guilty of the same offense. I admit that I have myself lost my closest dearest friend for being a self centered, selfish friend. Not seeing his needs over my own, during a tumultuous time.  (Most terrible mistake I have ever made). I imagine I'll always harbor guilt and pain over losing his beautiful friendship.

Earthly friendships are complicated because human beings are complicated, imperfect creatures. Nonetheless, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, and his name is Jesus.
Jesus is faithful, kind, and loving. He sees us just as we are and loves us, warts and all.(if you had warts that is) When I can’t call on anyone else, I know that I can call on him. I know that he will never, ever stop being my friend and that he will always be with me. His Word assures me of that. Jesus has loved me with an everlasting love that is not dependent on my employment, my financial status, my outer beauty, my sense of humor, or my availability to provide a service or favor. If my circumstances change, Jesus remains faithful, true, and constant. Never too busy for one of his own, he talks to me and is always glad to hear my voice.
What a friend we have in Jesus! Oh, that we would be more like him in our own friendships!

HEAL YOUR HEART WITH LOVE

Have you ever been stood up, left hanging, left waiting and wondering? No call, no apology, no explanation or accountability – nothing at all. What kind of person stands on top of another, and why? How does this painfully selfish and self-centered behavior make you feel? How does one reconcile feelings of intense disappointment and hurt? When a friend or lover simply leaves you behind; feeling used, abandoned, rejected, unloved – ruined.  We tend to hold on to the pain and suffering, allowing it to consume us fully, as if we are deserving of the punishment. My question to you is… What do you do with this uninvited guest who never seems to leave? How long do you hold on to the pain? Do you allow yourself to be powerless, lost in a sea of unending suffering? How do we keep ourselves from drowning in the sorrow that keeps us from moving on? How do we love again?

The Answer:
Healing our hearts pain is, for most of us, part of our soul work in this lifetime. This work may show up later in life as we get triggered by things from our past that were not healed or resolved from our childhood. My uninvited guest, pain, showed up when my denial was breaking. After years of denying my feelings and trying to people please I hit my bottom and began to do the work of looking at my part in all my painful relationships. As much as I would have liked to blame my pain on someone else or the situation, ultimately I had to show up, grow up and heal me.
When we are filled up inside with self love, positive self esteem we are less and less effected by those around us doing their soul work. We all have our stuff to work out but we don’t have to take on other’s karmas.  We have enough of our own to resolve!
The reason we get triggered by “separateness” ie: abandonment, disappointment, empowerment, rejection, sadness is that our ego is in control instead of our soul. Our first relationship is with our Higher Power, God or Universe (whichever name works for you) I prefer God.  All other relationships are just icing on the cake. They don’t “complete us.” We already are complete.  We are children of God.  Our pure essence is LOVE.
I found the peace, love, joy and happiness I was looking for in others was already inside of me just waiting to be rediscovered. If I keep the focus on me, start my day with spiritual connection ie: prayer, meditation or yoga I am more likely to stay in my higher self and be less triggered by others dramas.  I know when I get pulled into other’s stuff there is something in me I’m trying to avoid healing or looking at. I Love that awareness now and am happy to step up for more growth work!  Bring on the freedom baby!

Just say it, just Ask! Dont Hint or be vague, and don't expect mind reading

I don’t know what happened in my life that made me as direct as I am now, but I am so grateful. I wake up everyday thinking, “I don’t want to waste one moment of my day on anything that doesn’t serve me or others.” Okay, I also wake up thinking, “I have to pee really bad,” but that doesn’t go with this blog. Anyway, I don’t expect anyone to give me anything that I can’t give myself. I also don’t expect anyone to read my mind as to what I want. If I want something, I just ask.

“Just ask!”

If you’re not a clear communicator, then this life lesson is something you need to work on as fast as possible. If you just say what you want your whole world will change. Sure, people can say no, but I would much rather have an honest “no” from someone then a manipulated “yes.” If you remain a “hinter” you could very well find yourself victimizing yourself and making others feel guilty for not being a mind reader. And may very well sabotage your relationships, because you feel like your needs weren't met by your needs to be a  mind reader mate.

If this blog sounds like you, do something about it. If you’re in denial of being a hinter, become aware of how you react if someone makes you angry for not doing what you want. Be blunt, be brave and just ask for what you want!

Learning from my own advice /Elements of "Self" Compassion communicating not pushing others out

At times, although very rare, I find myself acting out of anger and frustration over things that happen in life. I know better of course, but I AM after all human. Recently, well, maybe not so recent, a few months back in fact. I faltered and allowed someone to push my final button during a very vulnerable time. Well regretfully, I said some things I shouldnt have said. Since then, I have felt horrible; not because that person didn't deserve to be told this or put in his place, but because of how I did it out of anger and frustration rather than calm understanding(quite out of character and definatley not my typical good example that I always try to set for my children). Unfortunately, I allowed myself to become weak and react negatively. I have learned over the years through so much abuse and hurt to become strong, and a survivor Yet, be the bigger person no matter what the situation is, that being bigger IS better in those situations. But I also learned that I am human and that NO ONE is perfect and NO ONE has always done the right thing all the time. That I cannot kill myself worrying about if someone disproves of me, my choices, my actions or my words. I have learned that I can't take back what I have done, I can only acknowledge my fault and get up and try again. That I have no control over others closed minds to forgiveness and inability to accept human nature to error without condemnation. I know my heart and that it IS good, and it has not been easy, but I have learned to believe in me, love me, and when I make a mistake, I AM humble enough to admit it. I am not perfect, of course not, Jesus was the only perfect one. I know that when I love, I love like no other, and I am a good woman. I don't need someones approval to KNOW that. I know that I take on the world for others to protect them and fight for them and am the voice for the weak, but, sometimes I'm the voice when I shouldn't be I guess. I am passionate, and strong. Those are WELL EARNED traits that I was not born with. If people REALLY took the time to know me they would see that, and understand me very well. ALL people who actually get to know me, usually love me. All I know is that I am very sensitive and I get hurt very easily. I have NO bad intentions EVER, and I usually always do the right thing. I have lived a very clean, straight life, no pills, no drugs, no drinking, no violence and have since having my boys lived only for them. I REALLY DO try to always do good and the right thing. I usually write to vent, and blow off steam, not yell, cuss or fight. I write, write, write. But I didn't this time, I was sword drawn fighting like a fool, Now that I have slain the Dragon, how will I roast my marshmallows??*sigh*

What I maybe should of written and given him instead of reacting to his anger with anger. Left him alone and give him some time to think about it, but I didn't, I gave back to him what he was giving to me...ANGER Sadly, I lost my best friend, so maybe with my Venting I can help someone else now. As this situation inspired this blog writing. He refuses to talk to me even months later. PUSHED ME TOTALLY OUT!

Elements of "Self" Compassion communicating not pushing others out

Self-kindness. Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, or unimportant, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. And they never will unless they can communicate clearly their needs and wants. When this reality is denied or fought against, suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration, anger and self-criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity is experienced. Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person suffering or making mistakes. All humans suffer, however. The very definition of being “human” means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect. Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience - something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone. It also means recognizing that personal thoughts, feelings and actions are impacted by “external” factors such as parenting,history, culture, relationships,genetic and environmental conditions, as well as the behavior and expectations of others. Substance abuse experts calls the intricate web of reciprocal cause and effect in which we are all imbedded with the “interbeing.” Recognizing our essential interbeing allows us to be less judgmental about our personal failings, After all, if we had full control over our behavior, how many people would consciously choose to have anger issues, addiction issues, debilitating social anxiety, eating disorders, and so on? Many aspects of ourselves and the circumstances of our lives are not of our choosing, but instead stem from innumerable factors (genetic and/or environmental) that we have little control over. By recognizing our essential interdependence, therefore, failings and life difficulties do not have to be taken so personally, but can be acknowledged with non-judgmental compassion and understanding. Mindfulness. Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. This equilibrated stance stems from the process of relating personal experiences to those of others who are also suffering, thus putting our own situation into a larger perspective. It also stems from the willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, so that they are held in mindful awareness. That we learn to communicate our needs, and wants. Not supress them, then later boil over with anger when they are not met especially by our loved ones. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.

Principles....Your Inner Compass

My father was fond, especially as his children approached various milestones or accomplishments in their lives, of telling the old story about the elated graduate who raced excitedly from his ceremony to declare, "Here I am world. I have my A.B."
The world smiled a wry, weary smile and said, "Nice work, son. Now sit down and let me teach you the rest of the alphabet. Plan on it taking a lifetime."
It is not a coincidence that graduation ceremonies are called commencements. Graduating from any level of schooling is an accomplishment to be celebrated, but in terms of your life on this planet, it is just the beginning of a lifetime (at least one would hope so) of continuing to learn and making decisions grounded in sound principles informed by solid learning. Among the hardest tasks of anyone who hopes to be fully human rather than just a cog in the machine is deciding what principles will guide you and how closely you will adhere to them.
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock," Thomas Jefferson wrote to one of his nephews in one of the detailed letters of advice he lavished on younger relatives toward whom he felt some kind of tutelary obligation. But what is a principle, as compared to a fact, an opinion, a preference, a whim, a circumstance or a plan of action? And what do you do when your principles seem to clash?
First a demurrer. The idea that it is important to have coherent, consistent principles might not seem necessary - might not even seem efficacious - in the world graduates will be learning from. We all know of people who seem to survive and thrive with no particular principles, let alone consistent ones, beyond seizing opportunities, looking for the main chance, and shifting philosophical allegiances when the cultural winds shift.
The main reason to seek, hold and live by principles is for oneself, not for one's friends, neighbors or the world at large. The principled person can look back at a life and be able to say, "I wasn't perfect, and I might not have been successful as the world views success, but I had principles and I stuck to them. I was my own person." That beats having the pleasure of success tempered by the knowledge that you drifted or chose to behave less than honorably.
Kenneth Ellwein, executive director of Lutheran High School in Orange, of course, believes principles should be spiritually grounded, in Judeo-Christian teaching and scriptures. "Without such a grounding decision-making can be hit-or-miss," he states. "Whatever your religious orientation, if any, it can't hurt to operate as if a powerful, benevolent personage actively wants you to become better in every way throughout your life".
I believe there is such a person, In, fact I "know" there is such a person, I am a Christian and I believe in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.... so I try to be personally honest, which is not always easy for me; I'm often tempted to fudge - or let's be honest, lie - when I've done something stupid or embarrassing, when I feel like a failure when life is not going my way, and I want to make everyone think that I am "OK". I like Bob LeFevre's rule about personal conduct: "Harm no one; after that, do as you like." I believe personal coercion among adults is immoral, but I sometimes carry persuasion to the edge of coercion. I can't imagine starting a fight, but I stand ready to defend myself.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines "principle" as: "A fundamental truth or proposition on which many others depend; a primary truth comprehending, or forming the basis of, various subordinate truths; a general statement or tenet forming the (or a) ground of, or held to be essential to, a system of thought or belief; a fundamental assumption forming the basis of a chain of reasoning." A secondary definition is "A general law or rule adopted or professed as a guide to action."
I assume, for example, that people are created equal - not in the sense that they all have the same color hair or the same abilities or potential, but in the sense that none is entitled to special privileges, whether bestowed as a result of skin color, ethnic origin, sex or political influence. Equal in the eyes of God and (ideally) in the eyes of government. From that fundamental principle, it seems to me, one can derive the idea that (as Jefferson put it again) some are not born with saddles while others are born with boots and spurs, destined to rule the hoi polloi,(the masses or the majority) and most of the other ideas that lead to the conclusion that a society in which people are free to make their own decisions about their own lives is preferable to any other.
But others might not agree with the entire chain of reasoning. And that general principle doesn't tell you whom you should support (if anyone) in a political race or what actions you should take to manifest your principles in the larger world. It doesn't tell you whether a particular function of government should be privatized tomorrow. That will require thought - sometimes deep, hard thought - and a clear-eyed view of the realm of the possible.
My favorite music is what we only half-accurately call "classical" and my favorite composer is Mozart. That's a preference, not a principle. It is probably a deep truth that music is important to human beings, but is any kind objectively best? Doubtful. In such areas one should enjoy what one likes and allow others to do likewise rather than trying to prove that one kind or another comports with your deepest principles.
That suggests a potential danger in living by principles: that they can devolve into a rigid ideology that pretends to explain everything and can cause you to deny or obfuscate inconvenient truths you may encounter. The Soviet communists believed so strongly that humankind could be molded into the perfect, socially responsible New Soviet Man that they denied the developing science of genetics and supported an alternate theory, Lysenkoism, that argued in the face of numerous countervailing facts that people are formed by society and have no inherent traits.
(The two views can be integrated into a view that both inherent characteristics and social circumstances influence human beings, but not if one is blinded by ideology.)
Ayn Rand loved the kind of light 19th-century overtures, dances and incidental music she called "lollipops." Fine. But she made a few desultory attempts to try to prove that such art was most conducive to an objectivist ethos and human freedom, while baroque music was degenerate and collectivist. Silly.
So there are pitfalls. You want to be careful about principles, searching diligently for ideals that are first principles rather than derivative ones. You don't want to base them on current scientific or sociological knowledge unless you are willing to change or abandon them if such knowledge is superceded. And you don't want to confuse your preferences or prejudices with genuine principles, or get so caught up in ideology that you come to view scientific or knowledge breakthroughs as potential threats to your belief system.
But think about a life without principles. You'll be blown about by circumstance, making compromises even when it's not necessary, worrying about how you will look to somebody else rather than how something you're thinking about doing comports with your inner compass. Your ethics are likely to be situational rather than grounded.
Living by principles requires constant thought about how to apply them and a willingness to challenge and rethink them. It will almost certainly require giving up some immediate benefits; it could mean choosing a less lucrative career path than might be available to those more willing to compromise.
But being true to yourself and your beliefs helps you to feel better about yourself. Constant thought - continuing to use and stretch your brainpower - wards off some of the ill effects of aging. So you'll live longer and be happier (though life without sorrow and tragedy is a delusion). Not bad.

God's Peace Is For You

God's Peace Is For You

 “I’m so frustrated! That just aggravates me!”

How often have you said or thought those words? I know I’ve felt this way many times. But I’ve learned that we can come to a point in our lives where we don’t experience being aggravated and frustrated every day. In fact, aggravated and frustrated is not the condition God wants us to live in. Let me show you what I mean.

In John 14:27 (AMP), Jesus says, “Peace I leave with you: My [own] peace I now give…to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]”

Now, there’s a worldly peace we have when everything is going our way. But the peace Jesus gives is a totally different quality of peace than what the world gives. It’s a peace that passes our understanding; it makes us peaceful when all natural reasoning says we should be upset.

You Can Decide to Be Peaceful

 We can make the decision to stop allowing ourselves to get upset, aggravated and frustrated. Although we may think, “I can’t help it,” according to Jesus, we can help it. He offers us peace that can keep us from getting this way.

It’s important for us to realize that we have a responsibility to not let our hearts be troubled or afraid. We will never break loose from anything we’re struggling with until we take personal responsibility for where we are now.

Most people just want to blame someone or something else for their problems – a bad childhood, their lack of education, their nationality, their personality – and make excuses for the way they are. But we can’t let the things from our past, or present, become an excuse to stay there. Believe me…I know.

I grew up in a home full of turmoil. It was a very unstable, unpleasant atmosphere, filled with alcohol, anger and all kinds of abuse. However, I learned that I had to take responsibility for my actions if my life would ever be different than what I experienced throughout my childhood.

I remember when I realized that living with frustration, aggravation and worry really just did me no good at all. All I ever got from being this way was a headache, a back ache, a grouchy attitude, and regret for saying things I never should have said.

As I began to take responsibility and say, “God will help me to do something about this if I really want Him to,” things began to change. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight, but as I trusted God more and more to help me, and then made right choices to act like Christ instead of the way I felt like acting when I was upset or didn’t get my way, I changed. I learned to live with the peace Jesus gives.

God’s Peace Is for YOU!

And you can too. We can have anything God says we can have. He is no respecter of persons. The promises of God are for “whosoever will” (see Acts 10:34-35). We’re all “whosoevers,” but not all of us are willing to do what we need to do to inherit the promises of God. We may be willing to hear the truth, but are we willing to do what it says?

I want to challenge you to decide right now to be determined and persistent in seeking God and being obedient to what He’s telling you to do. Our enemy, the devil, is persistent and will do whatever he can to wear us out and keep us from God’s will. But we need to have the same tenacity in Christ to never give up – by God’s grace – and make him sorry he ever bothered us.

Remember, as a born-again Christian, you are full of the Spirit of the living God, who makes us more than conquerors. We should plan ahead to stay peaceful during trials. Everything is not going to go our way all the time, and when it doesn’t, we can be prepared to stay in peace in the midst of it all.

Let your confession be: “With God’s help, I don’t have to be aggravated or frustrated. I can stay calm and hold my peace.” The ability to display stability and remain calm in troubled times can be one of our greatest testimonies to a troubled world.