Grown Children...Stop Enabling..

Getting adult children to be responsible for themselves in all areas of life is often hindered by well-meaning parents who want to “help” their children become independent or, “get back on their feet”, but instead come to realize later on that the help provided never seems to end.

Adult children continue to make poor choices and bad decisions regarding how they spend their money, or live their lives then expect mom and dad to pick up the tab and continuously rescue them from experiencing the consequences of their choices and behaviors, wrongly thinking their parents are a 24-hour bank or ATM machine.

Enabling Adult Children

Adult children, some married with children of their own, are moving back home with their parents at an alarming rate, and shortly thereafter parents become frustrated when boundaries and rules are repeatedly broken, and requests for more money requires parents to dig deep into their life savings and retirement plans to the point where parents have gone broke helping their children.

Enabling occurs even when children are not living with the parents, with adult children and spouse working full-time jobs continuing to make regular phone calls to parents asking for money to pay utility bills because “It’s going to get shut off!”, or saying their “car is going to be repossessed” or the old standby, “We have no food in the house!”. My response would be, “I’m sorry to hear that but I can’t help you this time, and I have full trust and confidence that you will find a solution to the problem, and do what is necessary to make sure it doesn’t happen again”. Real NEED creates REAL motivation for change.

Not being an enabler myself, my message to parents is, “Just say no! Don’t give them anymore money and by all means, Kick them out of the house and change the locks!” I’ve heard from many parents who tell me their adult children are constantly asking for money “to pay bills”, while these “adults” are spending their own money on manicures, pedicures, Botox treatments, new clothes, expensive cell phones, concerts and sporting events, spa day, girls night out, electronic gadgets and other luxuries, all while “there is no food in the house”.

Learn How To Let Go Of The Control

Enablers have to learn how to “let go” of their adult children, let go of the control and Co-Dependent tendencies that run rampant amongst enabling parents and their children, allowing their adultchildren to experience the consequences that go with making choices on their own.

Continuously rescuing adult children, paying their bills, giving them money, allowing them to live at home with the parents, shielding them from the realities of how the real world works has created an Entitlement society. Today’s society of teenagers and adult children have come to believe their parents “owe” them whatever their hearts desire, and if parents don’t put a stop to it and close the bank of mom and dad, the problems of entitlement are only going to get worse. It doesn't mean you don't love or support your child, it means that you believe that they are capable of doing it on there own. No matter what their childhood was like or what kind of parent you were or they accuse you of being. Those are guilt trips and irresponsible excuses. You have ZERO reason to feel guilty.  Fact is,  they are adults and its no longer your responsibility to carry them.  PERIOD!

When your adult children ask you for money tell them, “I’m sorry but I can’t help you this time, but I WILL pray for you”. The next time they ask, repeat the same sentence. Do not give your adult children any more money! Able-bodied children, working or not, can and need to learn how to manage their own lives, and that cannot be accomplished as long as children know that parents are their personal “back up plan”. Do they call you if they aren't short on rent, kids need school clothes etc?  Do they ever call you and not actually ask you for something? As painful as that is. ..I didn't think so.   As long as we continue to keep enabling our adult children, they will continue to deny they have any problems, and actually take responsibility  since most of their problems are being “solved” by those around him. Only when our adult children are forced to face the consequences of their own actions—their ownchoices—will it finally begin to sink in how deep their patterns of dependence and avoidance have become. And only then will we as parents be able to take the next step to real healing, forever ending our enabling habits and behaviors. Like I said before, no matter what's happened in the past what kind of parent you were,  active, absent, drunk  or sober etc it's NOT your responsibility to take care of your adult children.  It is theirs.  Parents offer advice, prayer guidance NOT financial support to adult children. After all, why would your children make the grownup decision to get smart with their money, their lives when they know they can spend their own money frivolously on their extensive “want” list, knowing you will give them a handout time after time? Stop it and stop it now, before you find yourselves penniless in your elderly years with no financial means to take care of yourself.

How To Stop Enabling Adult Children

Children know what buttons to push with parents, especially when there are grandchildren being used as an excuse to get money from parents and grandparents, making it vitally important to learn how to stop enabling irresponsible adult children.

If your children have jobs of their own, no one is going to starve to death, and while their electric might be turned off due to bad choices, allowing them to experience the consequences of their own decisions really is helping them more than you may realize. 

 As long as we continue to keep enabling our adult children, they will continue to deny they have any problems, since most of their problems are being “solved” by those around them. Only when our adult children are forced to face the consequences of their own actions—their ownchoices—will it finally begin to sink in how deep their patterns of dependence and avoidance have become. And only then will we as parents be able to take the next step to real healing, forever ending our enabling habits and behaviors.

It's time to tell those adult children I love you.  I care about you but I will not enable you. GROW UP! 

DIVIDED WE FALL. ... 4th of July reflection.

These are most troubling times as we prepare to celebrate our nation’s birthday.

There is and has been civil unrest on nearly every corner of America. Inwardly and in-your-face unrest.

Burn this. Burn that. Ban this. Ban that.

March this. March that. Protest this. Protest that.

Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi called for all NASCAR tracks to ban Confederate flags at their races, starting with this week’s Coke Zero 400 in Daytona Beach.

Granted, the Confederate flag has different meanings to different races. It offends many African-Americans who view it as honoring slavery that started the bloodiest war in our history. It was Americans killing Americans. Many of the white race view it as part of their country’s history. And history tells us that war protects no race. White blood. Black blood. Brown blood etc. War has no conscience.

I went out a few days ago to run some errands in town. I saw numbers of mostly young drivers in their pickup trucks riding up and down the Highway flying their Confederate flags with many bystanders cheering them on.

At least one protest was planned in New York to burn another flag. The American flag. It used to unite our country. Now it divides it. Politicians all the way to the White House do little to attempt to bring all people together.

It brings tears to veterans’ eyes to see anyone burn the American flag. It is one that is supposed to symbolize freedom, something that they fought for on foreign soil. It is what too many men and women gave their life for.

Today’s veterans return home to face a divided country, pure and simple. If you dare cross that politically correct line, you are chastised by many, cheered by others who dare support you when you go public.

We attempt to use sporting events as one of the last places one can attend without having to clear the way through protesters.

Protesters add burning and looting ingredients to the recipe. One week they hate the cops. But when they need the cops to save their lives, they praise them.

You can’t have it both ways. Yes, there are bad cops, as there is in just about every job that requires enforcement of our laws. The good far outweighs the bad apples, but those who are encouraged to protest are broad-brushed by the mobs.

Radical foreign groups such as ISIS are already here. As their numbers grow, there will be death and strife on our soil. You better believe it. They don’t care and they are recruiting young Americans and other foreigners to fight with them.

The Supreme Court gave the green light for the country to accept gay marriages. That night, the White House was bathed in spotlights in the colors of gay pride to celebrate the cause. That bothers many,  but is gay pride REALLY a reason  to not live and let live, Love thy neighbor whether they be straight, gay, black or white?

ISIS treats homosexuality only in one way. They cut your head off. I predict we will see that more, rather than just on TV filmed in foreign lands. They will bring their justice to our front yards. I imagine even if the victims were gay,  this will STILL surely enrage all of us.  As those victims will still be our fellow Americans.  

Many Americans use sporting events to escape what is going on in our country. They provide temporary relief to all the noise we are subjected to on a daily basis. TV provides acts of ugly Americans on a nightly basis. They have ample stories to choose from. That supply is endless.

I challenge everyone that reads this to get involved in finding an answer before it’s too late. All great empires and countries fall from within.

Is this what we want? Or will we go on grilling our hamburgers, drinking our adult beverages and pretend this country isn’t crumbling in front of us as we do nothing to save it? We have taken God out of just about everything.

There will be a heavy price to pay

I promise I do not NEED you. But I promise I DO want you.

“I don’t want someone who promises me the moon and stars. I want someone who promises to lay on the grass and watch them with me.” 

Let us promise that we won’t ever make the empty sweet promises of new lovers, especially those that we can’t keep.

Instead, let our whispered promises taste of southern bourbon and smell like fresh cotton. Let them be entwined with a roughened honesty that only age and experience can inspire.

I promise that I will make you mad.

We cannot guarantee that we will always be bathed in the pink ethereal glow of happiness; but rather, and more importantly, even at the end of the day when I’m the one to have made your blood boil, say that you’ll still take this hand, and choose this life.

I promise that who I am now will not be who I am next year, next month, or even tomorrow.

Let us not promise that we won’t ever change, but guarantee that we will. Because that is the soulmate’s job to continually inspire change, to challenge the status quo, because we want to wake each other up to be the best possible version of our true self, even if it hurts.

I promise that I don’t need you, but that I do want you.

There’s no reason to say we can’t live without each other. We both know that we can, it may be slightly boring, mediocre even, but live we can. The difference is that we don’t want too, and that each day is made just a little better by our secret midnight confessions and slow morning coffee—and the other hundred small little things that we do to make this life incredible.

I promise that I don’t know how to be normal.

We are going to take the road less traveled; through late night art making, nude sunbathing, afternoon martini’s and parties late into the evening with too much wine and so much laughter. Thankfully, we don’t know how to do this life like everyone else. Even when we drive each other crazy with our differences we know that neither of us would have it any other way, because we’ve learned that there is so much more to life than fitting in.

I promise that I will feel like home.

No matter how many times we’ve been tangled in these pale sheets as the first rays of sunlight cast shadows across our dreams, we won’t ever have our fill. We will always touch each other’s bodies with the magic of the first time, sparks flying burning down everything around us. We’ve ruined each other for anyone else, and as we drift off to sleep, the softness of my bottom pressed against you, everything before there was a you and an I will become nothing but a distant memory.

I promise that I will never be good at doing what I’m supposed to.

We both are going to make a million mistakes. We are going to hurt each other, it’s a given. No matter how good our intentions are, we are each on our own journey, and that doesn’t mean we will always do the right thing. In fact, by definition of being on a true journey of discovering our own authenticity, I can guarantee we won’t. But I do know that wherever our journey takes us, we both will continue to improve.

Even if we don’t like the choices the other makes, we will accept them. We appreciate that neither of us is meant to be owned, or controlled, and instead we feel lucky to even be a part of each other’s story.

I promise that I will never ask for forever.

There is only today, and hopefully tomorrow, but that suddenly between midnight movies and sunrise sex the days will add up to a collection of the best of our lives.

Forever is a desperate promise of young love. Instead, let us take each wonderful day one day at a time and see where the adventure takes us, let the moon answer the questions the sun may ask, and in between it all, you’ll come to see that I’ll still be by your side.

MISTY 💙💚💛💜

Why Should I Read and Meditate on God's Word Daily?

Why ask this question?  Why is it an issue?  Well,we live in a busy world.  We are all “running” everyday.  We all have lots to do.  We all have full schedules.  We each have a set of priorities.  Each of us can say, “I’m a very busy person.” We each set our own schedules.  We each decide what we will do.  We each “choose to do what we want to do each day”. Well, in the busyness of life, why should we read God’s Word daily?  Why is it important to make it a priority to open God’s Word and spend time reading His Word everyday?   And why is it important to read a significant portion rather than only a scripture or two a day? Well, let me explain. The Word of God is food for our spirit.  Some believers don’t seem to realize that we really do need to feed our spirit, similarly to how we need to feed our physical bodies. In view of this reality, some believers feed their spirit very poorly, and very inconsistently.  For that reason there are too many believers that are basically “spiritually anemic”  -  weak, unreliable, easily defeated – spiritually. Too many believers “nibble”on the Word of God when they need to be eating “good, wholesome, and nourishing meals” of God’s Word. It appears that too many believers seem to live a “fasted” lifestyle when it comes to God’s Word.  Yet, when it comes to God’s Word, you should NEVER fast. Every believer needs a daily “diet” of God’s Word.  We should read and meditate on God’s Word every day.  Reading 3 chapters in the Bible everyday is a good basic “diet” to begin with. When we read the Word of God everyday, many very important things happen to us spiritually.  We grow closer to God, we grow in our knowledge and understanding of God, and we are empowered in the things of God.  As we read and think on God’s Word, the Word and the Holy Spirit together are working on us.  They are molding and shaping us to become more and more like Christ.  As we spend time reading God’s Word, the Word “programs” us to think and walk and act more and more like Christ. Daily as we read God’s Word, we are empowered in the things of God. Also, we are washed anew by the cleansing power of God’s Word.  (Eph. 5) As we read, we are nourished in the things of God, and we grow in the grace and knowledge of God  (II Peter 3:18).
Take time to pray and ask God to help you begin the discipline or habit of  reading God’s Word everyday.  Once you begin this habit, it will be one of the most productive habits or disciplines of your whole life.
“Your Word is a Lamp to my feet, and a Light to my path.”  Psalm 119:105

Eleven Excellent Reasons You should Read the Word of God Everyday.

 It tells you how to be genuinely saved and how to grow up in your faith. (John 3:16, Psalm 119:105,Romans 12:1, 2, and Phil. 4:6,7)

It gives you clear guidance and direction for much of your life.  (Psalm 119:105

It empowers your prayer life.  (Phil. 4:6,7)

It sharpens your ability to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit more and more clearly in your life. (I Corinthians 1:5)

It ministers to your mind, body, and spirit.   (Proverbs 4:20-22)

It helps you to maintain your mental health, (Prov. 4).

It increases the anointing on every area of your life.  (I Corinthians 1:5)

It increases your wisdom in every area of your life.  (Proverbs 1 - 4)

It enhances your intellect and your personality. (It can literally increase your I.Q.) (I Corinthians 1:5)

It pours grace, joy, and peace into your spirit, your mind and your life.  (II Cor. 1:2, I Timothy 1:2, and II Timothy 1:2, and Galatians 5:22)

In direct statement or in principle, it gives you guidance and/or direction about every issue or topic in life.  (Psalm 119:105)

Seven Things we should seek to do with the Word of God everyday.
Read It.
Hear It.
Believe It.
Speak It.
Obey It.
Pray It.
Meditate On It.

* Remember!  Reading 3 chapters in the Bible daily will bless you a lot!

For Salvation

If you would like to know Jesus Christ personally, and would like to invite Him into your heart, pray this or a similar prayer in order to make that step:

Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God.   I recognize that I have sinned and done wrong.  Forgive me of all the wrong I have done.  I do believe that You died on the cross to pay for my sins, and I believe that three days later You rose from the dead, so that I could be saved. Thank you Lord, for loving me enough to die for me.  Lord Jesus, come into my heart.
Become my Lord and Savior.  Make me the person you want me to be. You said in your Word, that whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Right now Lord, I ‘m calling on your name.  Lord Jesus, save me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit.   Thank you Lord for saving me, and I now confess I am a child of God.   In Jesus’ name.   Amen.

Hypocrisy

What does the Bible say about hypocrisy?

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Question: "What does the Bible say about hypocrisy?"

Answer:In essence, “hypocrisy” refers to the act of claiming to believe something but acting in a different manner. The word is derived from the Greek term for “actor”—literally, “one who wears a mask”—in other words, someone who pretends to be what he is not.

The Bible calls hypocrisy a sin. There are two forms hypocrisy can take: that of professing belief in something and then acting in a manner contrary to that belief, and that of looking down on others when we ourselves are flawed.

The prophet Isaiah condemned the hypocrisy of his day: “The Lord says, ‘These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men’” (Isaiah 29:13). Centuries later, Jesus quoted this verse, aiming the same condemnation at the religious leaders of His day (Matthew 15:8-9). John the Baptist refused to give hypocrites a pass, telling them to produce “fruits worthy of repentance” (Luke 3:8). Jesus took an equally staunch stand against sanctimony—He called hypocrites “wolves in sheep’s clothing” (Matthew 7:15), “whitewashed tombs” (Matthew 23:27), “snakes,” and “brood of vipers” (Matthew 23:33).

We cannot say we love God if we do not love our brothers (1 John 2:9). Love must be “without hypocrisy” (Romans 12:9, NKJV). A hypocrite may look righteous on the outside, but it is a façade. True righteousness comes from the inner transformation of the Holy Spirit not an external conformity to a set of rules (Matthew 23:5;2 Corinthians 3:8).

Jesus addressed the other form of hypocrisy in the Sermon on the Mount: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5). Jesus is not teaching against discernment or helping others overcome sin; instead, He is telling us not be so prideful and convinced of our own goodness that we criticize others from a position of self-righteousness. We should do some introspection first and correct our own shortcomings before we go after the “specks” in others (cf.Romans 2:1).

During Jesus’ earthly ministry, He had many run-ins with the religious leaders of the day, the Pharisees. These men were well versed in the Scriptures and zealous about following every letter of the Law (Acts 26:5). However, in adhering to the letter of the Law, they actively sought loopholes that allowed them to violate the spirit of the Law. Also, they displayed a lack of compassion toward their fellow man and were often overly demonstrative of their so-called spirituality in order to garner praise (Matthew 23:5–7;Luke 18:11). Jesus denounced their behavior in no uncertain terms, pointing out that “justice, mercy, and faithfulness” are more important than pursuing a perfection based on faulty standards (Matthew 23:23). Jesus made it clear that the problem was not with the Law but the way in which the Pharisees implemented it (Matthew 23:2-3). Today, the wordphariseehas become synonymous withhypocrite.

It must be noted that hypocrisy is not the same as taking a stand against sin. For example, it is not hypocrisy to teach that drunkenness is a sin,unlessthe one teaching against drunkenness gets drunk every weekend—thatwould be hypocrisy.

As children of God, we are called to strive for holiness (1 Peter 1:16). We are to “hate what is evil” and “cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9). We should never imply an acceptance of sin, especially in our own lives. All we do should be consistent with what we believe and who we are in Christ. Play-acting is meant for the stage,  NOT real life.  

💙💚💛💜 Misty

10 Forgotten Truths to Help You Get Through Hard Times

10 Forgotten Truths to Help You Get Through Hard Times

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.  These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom.  People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time. 

Truth be told, when hard times hit, and the challenges you face are great, you can either let your situation define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you.  The choice is yours to make.

In today’s blog I want to remind you of a few powerful, yet easily forgotten truths that will help you choose wisely and grow stronger even through the hardest times…

1.  Pain is part of life and love, and it helps you grow.

So many of us are afraid of ourselves, of our own truth, and our feelings most of all.  We talk about how great the concepts of life and love are, but then we hide from both every day.  We hide from our truest feelings.  Because the truth is life and love hurt sometimes, and the feelings this brings disturbs us.

We are taught at an early age that all pain is evil and harmful.  Yet, how can we ever deal with real life and true love if we’re afraid to feel what we really feel?  We need to feel pain, just as we need to feel alive and loved.  Pain is meant to wake us up.  Yet we try to hide our pain.  Realize this.  Pain is something to carry willingly, just like good sense.  Because you can only learn how strong you are when being strong is the only choice you have.

It’s all in how you carry the things that don’t go your way.  That’s what matters in the end.  Pain is a feeling.  Your feelings are a part of you – your own reality.  If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting the lies of insecurity destroy your reality.  You should stand up for your right to feel pain – to endure it – to own your scars – to deal with the realities of life and love, as you grow into the strongest, wisest, truest version of yourself.

2.  Mindset is half the battle.

It’s okay to have down days and tough times.  Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.  However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs.  It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

In other words, life isn’t perfect, but it sure is good.  Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement.  To get up every morning and take a good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted.  Everything is extraordinary.  Every day is a gift.  Never treat life casually.  To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way.

Do not let the pain of a situation make you hopeless.  Do not let negativity wear off on you.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world to be a beautiful place.  Change your thoughts and you change your reality.

And mindset is especially powerful when it comes to accepting that…

3.  Your biggest fears don’t really exist.

When times are hard it can be difficult to follow your heart and take another step, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of fear stop you.  Although fear can feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful as it seems.  Fear is only as deep as your mind allows.  You are still in control.  So take control!

The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it.  Fight hard to shine the light of your words upon it.  Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless, obscure darkness that you avoid, and perhaps even manage to briefly forget, you open yourself to future attacks from fear when you least expect it.  Because you never truly faced the opponent who defeated you.

You CAN beat fear if you face it.  Be courageous!  And remember that courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid; courage means you don’t let fear stop you from moving forward with your life. 

4.  You are growing through experience.

Over time you will find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than you thought it was going to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t always occur when you expect them to.  This isn’t a bad thing; it makes life interesting.  With a positive attitude you will always be pleasantly surprised.

When you stop expecting things to be a certain way, you can appreciate them for what they are.  Ultimately you will realize that life’s greatest gifts are rarely wrapped the way you expected.

Experience is what you get when your plans don’t go as planned, and experience is the most valuable commodity you own – it builds your strength.

You have the power to turn your wounds and worries into wisdom; you just have to do something about them.  You have to accept what has happened and use what you’ve learned to step forward.  Everything you’ve experienced has given you the upper hand for dealing with everything you have yet to experience.  Realize this and set yourself free.

5.  You can’t change situations you don’t take responsibility for.

Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”  Don’t let this be you.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you surrender power over that part of your life.

Make no mistake, in the end, the price of happiness IS responsibility.  As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be.  If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.

Ultimately, your happiness depends on your self-reliance – your unshakable willingness to take responsibility for your life from this moment forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it the way it is now.  It’s about taking control of your present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and making a firm choice to choose differently.  It’s about being the hero of your life, not the victim.

6.  The present is all you really have to deal with.

Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of someday where everything is perfect.  It is lived here and now, with the reality of the way things are.  Yes, by all means you can work toward an idealized tomorrow.  Yet to do so, you must successfully deal with the world as it is today.

Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be.  But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.  So appreciate where you are.

Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore.  Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing.  Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you.  Much of what you fear does not exist.  Much of what you love is closer than you realize.  You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.

Happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present.  It’s not a point in the future or a moment from the past; yet sadly, this misconception hurts the masses.  So many young people seem to think all their happiness awaits them in the years ahead, while so many older people believe their best moments are behind them.  Don’t be either of them.  Don’t let the past and the future steal your present.  

7.  There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.

Life is better when you’re smiling.  Being positive in a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of leadership and strength.  You’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.

What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?

Think of all the beauty that remains around you, see it and smile.  Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together you will see just how significant they are.  At the end of the day, it’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.

8.  Great things take time.

Instant results are rarely the best results.  With patience, you can greatly expand your potential.  If your desires were always fulfilled immediately, you would have nothing to look forward to.  You would miss out on the joys of anticipation and progress.

Remember, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working on what you believe in.   It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time.  Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.

Bottom line:  You deserve more than mere instant gratification.  Value that arrives in an instant is often gone in an instant.  Value that takes time and commitment to create often outlives its creator – YOU.

9.  Other people cannot validate you.

When we’re struggling to achieve something important, sometimes we look to others to validate our progress.  But the truth is, they can’t…

You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours.  Pave your own unique path.  What success means to each of us is totally different.  Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.

You don’t have to be flashy to be impressive.  You don’t have to be famous to be significant.  You don’t have to be a celebrity to be successful.  You don’t need to be validated by anyone else.  You are already valuable.  You just need to believe in yourself and what you wish to achieve.

You can be quietly humble and still be amazingly effective.  Just because people don’t fall at your feet and worship you, doesn’t mean you are a failure.  Quiet success is just as sweet as loud, flamboyant success, and usually far more real.  Success is how you define it, not what everyone else says it must be for you.  

10.  You are not alone.

In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing just fine.  But they’re not.  We’re all struggling in our own way.  And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and alone.

So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you.  We are all in this together.  So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie.  There’s always someone who can relate to you.  Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there.

If you’re feeling desperate right now, hear me:  I often feel and think and struggle much like you do.  I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way.  And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other.  YOU are not alone!

Afterthoughts

One of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that life is difficult.  Because in dealing with life’s difficulties, we build invaluable strength.  This strength enables us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most meaningful purposes.  It is precisely because life is difficult that we are able to make it great.  It is because life is difficult that we are able to rise above the difficulties.  We are able to make a difference and we are able to truly matter.

So remember this…

When times are tough, you must be tougher.  Don’t pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a tough one that leads to greatness.

Your turn…

PEACE....

---

  The Hebrew Bible uses a familiar but significant word, shalom. In its purest sense, shalom means "peace." The connotation is positive. That is, when someone says, "Shalom," or, "Peace unto you," it doesn't mean, "I hope you don't get into any trouble"; it means, "I hope you have all the highest good coming your way."

Most people in our world don't understand peace as a positive concept. All they know is the negative aspect of peace, which is merely the absence of trouble. The definition of peace in many languages of the world illustrates that. For example, the Quechua Indians in Ecuador andBolivia use a word for peace that literally translates, "to sit down in one's heart." For them peace is the opposite of running around in the midst of constant anxieties. The Chol Indians of Mexico define peace as "a quiet heart." Those may be beautiful ways to put it, but they still seem to leave us with only the negative idea that peace is the absence of trouble.

Close to the meaning of the Hebrew word shalomis the word used by the Kekchi Indians of Guatemala, who define peace as "quiet goodness." The term they use conveys the idea of something that is active and aggressive, not just a rest in one's own heart away from troublesome circumstances.

The biblical concept of peace does not focus on the absence of trouble. Biblical peace is unrelated to circumstances; it is a goodness of life that is not touched by what happens on the outside. You may be in the midst of great trials and still have biblical peace. Paul said he could be content in any circumstance; and he demonstrated that he had peace even in the jail at Philippi, where he sang and remained confident that God was being gracious to him. Then when the opportunity arose, he communicated God's goodness to the Philippian jailer, and brought him and his family to salvation. Likewise, James wrote, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2).

Where does a man find the kind of peace that is not just the absence of trouble--the kind of peace that cannot be affected by trouble, danger, or sorrow? It is ironic that what is surely the most definitive discourse on peace in all of Scripture comes from the Lord Jesus on the night before He died in agony. He knew what He was facing, yet He still took time to comfort His disciples with the message of peace:

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. (John 14:27)

The peace Jesus is speaking of enables believers to remain calm in the most wildly fearful circumstances. It enables them to hush a cry, still a riot, rejoice in pain and trial, and sing in the middle of suffering. This peace is never by circumstances, but instead affects and even overrules them.
 

The Nature of Peace

The New Testament speaks of two kinds of peace--the objective peace that has to do with your relationship to God, and the subjective peace that has to do with your experience in life.

The natural man lacks peace with God. We all come into the world fighting against God, because we are a part of the rebellion that started with Adam and Eve. Romans 5:10 says we were enemies of God. We fought against God, and everything we did militated against His principles.

But when we receive Jesus Christ, we cease being enemies of God--we make a truce with Him. We come over to His side, and the hostility is ended. Jesus Christ wrote the treaty with the blood of His cross. That treaty, that bond, that covenant of peace declares the objective fact that we now are at peace with Him.

That's what Paul means in Ephesians 6:15, when he calls the good news of salvation "the preparation of the gospel of peace." The gospel is that which makes a man who was at war with God to be at peace with Him. This peace is objective--that is, it has nothing to do with how we feel or what we think. It is an accomplished fact.

Romans 5:1 says, "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God." We who trust Christ are redeemed and declared righteous by faith. Our sins are forgiven, rebellion ceases, the war is over, and we have peace with God. That was God's wonderful purpose in salvation.

Colossians 1:20-22 says that Christ "made peace through the blood of His cross.... And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach."

A sinful, vile, wicked person cannot come into the presence of a holy God. Something must make that unholy person righteous before he can be at peace with God. And that's exactly what Christ did, dying for sin, imputing His righteousness to sinners. So Paul says we are no longer enemies but are at peace because we are reconciled.

It is as if God were on one side, we were on the other side, then Christ filled the gap, taking the hand of God and the hand of man and placing them together into the same grip. We have now been brought together through the blood of the cross of Jesus Christ.

Whereas God and man were once estranged, they have now been reconciled. That is the heart of the gospel message, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19. But Jesus is not talking about objective peace in John 14:27. The peace He speaks of here is a subjective, experiential peace. It is tranquility of the soul, a settled, positive peace that affects the circumstances of life. It is peace that is aggressive; rather than being victimized by events, it attacks them and gobbles them up. It is a supernatural, permanent, positive, no-side-effects, divine tranquilizer. This peace is the heart's calm afterCalvary's storm. It is the firm conviction that He who spared not His own Son will also along with Him freely give us all things (cf. Romans 8:32).

This is the peace that Paul speaks about inPhilippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The peace of God is not based on circumstances like the world's peace, so it doesn't always make sense to the carnal mind; Paul says it is a peace that surpasses comprehension. It doesn't seem reasonable that such peace could exist in the midst of the problems and troubles Christians go through. But this is divine, supernatural peace; it cannot be figured out on a human level.

The word for "guard" in Philippians 4:7 is not the word that means to "watch," or "keep imprisoned." It is a word that is often used in a military sense, meaning "to stand at a post and guard against the aggression of an enemy." When peace is on guard, the Christian has entered an impregnable citadel from which nothing can dislodge him. The name of the fortress is Christ, and the guard is peace. The peace of God stands guard and keeps worry from the corroding our hearts, and unworthy thoughts from tearing up our minds.

This is the kind of peace men really want: They want a peace that deals with the past, one where no strings of conscience dipped in the poison of past sins tear at them and torture them hour by hour. They want a peace that governs the present, with no unsatisfied desires gnawing at their hearts. They want a peace that holds promise for the future, where no foreboding fear of the unknown and dark tomorrow threatens them. And that is exactly the peace through which the guilt of the past is forgiven; by which the trials of the present are overcome; and in which our destiny in the future is secured eternally.
 

The Source of Peace

This subjective, experiential peace--the peace of God--has its foundation in the objective, factual peace--peace with God. The peace of God is not obtainable by those who are not at peace with Him. God alone brings peace. In fact, inPhilippians 4:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:23, and again inHebrews 13:20, He is called "the God of peace."

Jesus Christ is also seen as the One who gives peace. Jesus said, "My peace I give to you." Notice He says "My peace." Here is the key to the supernaturalness of this peace: it is His own personal peace. It is the same deep, rich peace that stilled His heart in the midst of mockers, haters, murderers, traitors, and everything else He faced. He had a calm about Him that was unnatural and nonhuman. In the midst of incomprehensible resistance and persecution, Jesus was calm and unfaltering; He was a rock.

Those who knew Him might have come to expect it, but you can imagine how it must have confounded His enemies and those who didn't know Him to see someone that calm. When Jesus appeared before Pilate, He was so calm, so serene, so controlled, and so at peace, that Pilate became greatly disturbed. He was furious that Jesus was standing before him fearless; and in a near frenzy, Pilate said, "Do You not know that I have authority to release You, and I have authority to crucify You?" (John 19:10).

Then in perfect peace Jesus replied, "You would have no authority over Me, unless it had been given you from above" (John 19:11). That's the kind of peace Jesus is talking about. That's the kind He gives to us. It is undistracted fearlessness and trust. So the source of peace is Christ.

In fact, Christ is seen throughout the New Testament as the dispenser of peace. In Acts 10:36, Peter says, "The word which He sent to the sons ofIsrael, preaching peace through Jesus Christ."Second Thessalonians 3:16 says, "Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace." Jesus Christ gives us His own personal peace. It has been tested; it was His own shield and His own helmet that served Him in battle. And He gave it to us when He left. It should give us the same serenity in danger, the same calm in trouble, and the same freedom from anxiety.
 

The Giver of Peace

The Holy Spirit is the Giver of this peace, and He dispenses it as a gift. Galatians 5:22 says one aspect of the fruit of the Spirit is peace. You might ask, if it was Christ's peace, why is the Holy Spirit giving it? The answer is in John 16:14, which says, "He will glorify Me; for He will take of Mine and will disclose it to you." The Holy Spirit's ministry is to take the things of Christ and give them us.

Notice that every promise Jesus made to His troubled disciples on the night before His death was rooted in the coming of the Holy Spirit. Christ promised life, union with deity, full understanding, and peace to those who are His disciples, but it is the Spirit of God who takes the things of Christ and gives them to us.
 

The Contrast of Peace

In verse 27, Jesus says, "Not as the world gives, do I give to you." In other words, His peace is not like the peace of the world. The world's peace is worthless. Since 36 B.C. there have been nearly 15,000 wars. Before World War II the world had an average of 2.61 new wars every year. But since World War II despite all of mankind's "enlightenment," and organized efforts for world peace, there have been an average of three new wars every year. The New York Times once observed that "peace is a fable."

The only peace this world can know is shallow and unfulfilling. Most people's pursuit of peace is only an attempt to get away from problems. That is why people seek peace through alcohol, drugs, or other forms of escapism. The fact is, apart from God, there is no real peace in this world. The peace of putting your blinders on, of going to bed and forgetting it, is fleeting and worthless. And yet people try desperately to hold on to this kind of mock peace.

It is futile pursuit. Godless individuals can never know true peace. They might know only a momentary tranquility--a shallow feeling, perhaps stimulated by positive circumstances mixed with a lot of ignorance. In fact, if unsaved people knew what destiny awaited them without God, the illusion of peace borne out of ignorance would evaporate instantly.

People today live in a form of existential shock. They don't understand their own being, they don't know who they are, where are going, or what they do when they get there--if they get there. I recently saw a sign on a man's desk that said, "I've got so many troubles that if anything else happens to me, it will be two weeks before I can even worry about it."

That is a commentary on the plight of modern man, but the truth is, the real reason a person can't find peace has nothing to do with emotions or environment. If you lack peace, it is not because of your mother, your father, your grandmother, the church you were reared in, or a bad experience when you were a child. The Bible tells us why people don't know peace. Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick." The King James Version says "desperately wicked." Isaiah 48:22 says, "There is no peace for the wicked." Man's heart is desperately wicked, and thus he cannot find peace.

Throughout the land of Judah in Jeremiah's day, problems were rising up fast. A great army was coming in to destroy Jerusalem and take the people into captivity, and they were frightened. Peace was being removed from the land, and there was destruction coming like they had never experienced.

Jeremiah 6:14 says, "They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, saying, 'Peace, peace,' but there is no peace." In other words, they tried to patch up their evil ways and then said, "Peace, peace, everything is okay." There was a lot of talk about peace, but there was not genuine peace. In chapter 8, he says, "We waited for peace, but no good came; for a time of healing, but behold, terror!" (v. 15).

A few chapters later, the prophet repeats the same observation: "Have You completely rejectedJudah? Or have You loathed Zion? Why have You stricken us so that we are beyond healing? We waited for peace, but nothing good came; and for a time of healing, but behold, terror!" (14:19). Then, Jeremiah put his finger on the source of the trouble: "'Do not enter a house of mourning, or go to lament or to console them; for I have withdrawn My peace from this people,' declares the Lord" (16:5). Where there was sin, there could be no peace.

We can expect nothing different in the end times.Revelation 6:4 says that when the Tribulation begins there will be a brief period of peace, but after about three and a half years, peace will be taken from the earth. Luke 21:26 says people's hearts will fail them for fear.

The world's peace doesn't exist. It is a lie and cannot exist. No individual without Jesus Christ can ever have peace, and no world without God can ever know peace. If a person has a moment of peace in this world, it is only a camouflage hiding the eternal pressure of God's judgment.
 

The Result of Peace

Jesus shows us the proper response to His promise of peace, "Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful" (John 14:27). We ought to be able to lay hold of this peace. It is there, it is ours; but we must take hold of it. It is interesting that He says "I give you peace," then He says, "Do not let your heart be troubled." The peace He gives has to be received and applied in our lives. If we lay hold of the promise of the very peace of Christ, we will have calm, untroubled hearts, regardless of external circumstances.

If you have a troubled heart, my friend, it is because you do not believe God--you don't really trust His promise of peace. Anxiety and turmoil seldom focus on present circumstances. Normally, anxiety is trouble borrowed from either the past or the future. Some people worry about things that might happen. Others' anxieties come out of the past. But both the future and the past are under the care of God. He promises to supply our future need, and He has forgiven the past. Don't worry about tomorrow or yesterday. Jesus said, "Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). Concentrate on trusting God for today's needs.

The peace of Christ is a great resource in helping us to know the will of God. Colossians 3:15 says, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful." The word translated "rule" is the Greek word brabeuo, which means "to act as umpire." Paul is urging the Colossians to so depend on the peace of Christ that it becomes an umpire in the decisions they have to make in life.

Do you have a problem, or a decision to make? Let the peace of Christ make that decision for you. If you have examined a planned action in the light of God's Word--and His Word does not forbid you from going ahead with it--if you can do it and retain the peace of Christ in your heart, then do it with the confidence it is God's will. But if you find you do not have a sense of peace and God's blessing about it, don't do it.

Don't try to rationalize about your decision; you may find it makes good sense from the rational point of view. But will it rob your soul of rest and peace? Do you have a sense of confidence that God is in this? If you don't have peace, it is probably the wrong thing to do. Let Christ's peace be the umpire that makes the calls. That is how we are to govern our behavior.

There are two conspicuous reasons I don't like to sin. One is that sin is an offense to the holy God I love. He hates sin, and my love for Him makes me want to please Him. The other reason is that I don't like the way I feel after I sin! Sin destroys my sense of peace, and it breaks my sense of communion with God.

Look again at Colossians 3:15. Paul says here that peace belongs to every Christian. He calls it "the peace of Christ...to which indeed you were called in one body." Our peace with God and the peace of God that rules our hearts is a foundation of Christian unity. If we disregard that peace, if we refuse to let it be the umpire, we cannot have unity in the body of Christ, for everyone will be doing his own thing, and the body will be divided.

The peace of Christ is also an unending source of strength in the midst of difficulties. As Stephen sank bleeding and bruised under the stones of a cursing mob, he offered a loving, forgiving prayer for his murderers, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" (Acts 7:60). Paul was driven out of one city, dragged almost lifeless out of another, stripped by robbers, and arraigned before ruler after ruler. Yet he had an uncanny peace. He wrote,

Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches. Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern? (2 Corinthians 11:24-29)

That is the same peace you and I have; he just applied it. Paul also said,

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:8-11)

But he wrote,

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (vv.16-18)

In other words, Paul didn't focus on his problems, but on the promises of God to sustain and ultimately glorify him. Trouble comes and goes, but glory is eternal. Paul understood that, and that's why in the midst of his trials he could write to the Philippians, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4).

To have that supernatural peace available puts us under obligation to lean on it. Colossians 3:15 is not a command to seek peace, but rather a plea to let the Lord's peace work in us: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." You have this peace, now let it rule.

Perfect peace comes when our focus is off the problem, off the trouble, and constantly on Christ.Isaiah 26:3 says, "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You."

In the midst of a society in which we are constantly bombarded with advertising and other worldly pressures designed to get us to focus on our needs and problems, how can we keep our minds focused on Christ? By studying the Word of God and being taught by the Holy Spirit and permitting Him to fix our hearts on the person of Jesus Christ.

Most people who lack peace simply have not taken the time to pursue it. God's peace comes to those with the personal discipline to stop in the midst of the maelstrom of life and take time to seek Him. It is a condition of peace that we cease from life's activity and know Him. He commands, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10, King James Version). And to those whose minds are steadfastly fixed on Him, He gives the gift of peace.